Intimate Treason: Healing the Trauma for Partners Confronting Sex Addiction
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Some of the issues behind affairs are sexual addiction, low self-esteem, alcoholism, selfishness, and personality challenges. Also, problems in the marriage that have been building for years can leave the door open for an affair. Please keep in mind regardless of the reason behind the affair the unfaithful partner bears the responsibility of being honest about the affair and telling the truth.
It takes great humility on the part of the unfaithful party to face what they have done to the relationship and their partner and to deal with their character flaws and to move forward and earn forgiveness and hopefully regain trust.
If you are deciding to stay in the relationship after the betrayal has been discovered, the process of rebuilding trust after an affair is beyond difficult. Keep in mind that you can only be ready to rebuild trust after going through denial, shock, anger, rage, and then acceptance and walking through forgiveness. This can take anywhere from 18 months to 3 years, as long as there are no other reoccurring, inappropriate incidences.
By engaging in an affair, the foundation of the relationship has been impacted, which means that trust, honor, and commitment are damaged and will need to be repaired. Also, your perception of the marriage with your partner is now tainted. Additionally, making the decision to stay in the marriage can be difficult.
You might be ambivalent, feeling as if you want the marriage to work one day and the next day you might be ready to call an attorney and walk out.
Rebuilding trust can vary depending on the lived experiences of the person who has been betrayed. The person who had the affair will have to demonstrate that they can be trusted again. This will require consistency, honesty and transparency. If you are deciding to leave the relationship, you will still need to do work to heal from the betrayal so that the pain is not carried over into another relationship.
Please contact a licensed mental health clinician to help you walk through the pain and healing. Recovery comes in phases.
There are several steps to recovery from an affair, but before those steps are taken, you must first attend to your immediate needs. Try to get your regular amount of sleep and rest, eat balanced meals, find someone who you trust and who is trustworthy to talk to, preferably a therapist, and get exercise.
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